There must be something wrong with this dam*ed wagon, cause' I keep falling off! I swear, sometimes you fall off the wagon, and get right back on, and then sometimes you fall off the wagon, and it just rolls right over your fat a**...
How do I know I fell off? Well, it happens to be easy to tell.
Long story Long: I had to TEMPORARILY cut out the personal training sessions (I'll be back soon, Joe), and that's where the trouble began... I had my workouts on Mondays. It was a great way to start my week off on the right foot, and I always knew that no matter what happened the rest of the week, I at least got my butt kicked one day. On the other days, I would go to Body Shape and rock out, or I would do HIIT at my house, and things were hangin' nicely, if you know what I mean... not too shabby, ... didn't mind the mirror at all... back that thang up... hey baby, how you doin...
And if you know me at all, you know what I am about to tell you is kind of a big deal.... I bought daisy dukes. I mean.... full blown.. shorts. Now, this is where I don't know what to say! I have no idea what happened! I feel like I am in a parallel universe and someone stole my body, ate a bunch of nasty sh**, and then gave it back to me... and now I am here like.. ewww I don't want this. Take it back...
It's funny the little half-truths you tell yourself though isn't it?... like oh, I am just retaining water, or it's just been a while since I used the restroom, or the sun must just be shining at a weird angle... or my personal fav, I just didn't NOTICE my thighs rubbing together before because it wasn't as humid as it is now... Well honey, the sun can't put moon craters on your thighs, and your thighs don't know it's humid, and if you're retaining THAT much water... all over your body,.. you might wanna hook up to a shop vac.
It was a sad day when I put the daisy dukes back in the drawer and opted for a more reasonably-lengthed pair of DIY jorts, and told myself it was because this is how mothers should dress... I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THAT!
I am not saying I am going to sashay around town with all my goodies on display, but I am a young, vibrant, awesome woman,... who happens to also be a mother, and that's how I am going to dress... any way I dam* well please... until Leo gets old enough to be embarrassed.
So, I am taking my shame, and my mom jorts, and climbing back up on the wagon... Joe... I'll be crawling back soon.. I need you to nail my jorts to the bed of this illusory wagon.
Can I get a HOLLA HOLLA HOLLA??!!... ANYBODY??... ok.
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